Archive

Posts Tagged ‘mo’

Awful, awful, wonderful.

June 6, 2012 Leave a comment

I was watching this movie the other day where Jennifer Lopez’s character gets pregnant via sperm donation and then meets her Mr Right. Which is not the point of this post. Except to say that I think she’s just ridiculously beautiful.

And there’s this part where the guy is talking to a father in the park. He asks the father what it’s like having kids, and the father says something like “it’s awful, it’s awful, it’s so awful, it’s really awful, and then there is a moment where it’s just incredible, and again it’s awful, and awful, and awful”. Then the kid walks up to the father and hands him a piece of poo.

Of all the things written about parenthood, like, ever, it takes a silly romantic B movie to capture it so perfectly.

Here’s what I’ve noticed though as my girls grow up, especially with Niv maturing and Shai being a far easier 2 year old than Niv ever was – there’s less awful and more wonderful. I actually enjoy spending time with them. Not ALL the time. The urge to bang my head against a wall still surfaces often, but still….a bit…less.

It sounds obvious, right? That as they get older it gets easier. So many people said that to me. I just didn’t believe them. I have to live it to understand it. How when Niv asks for something and I say “no” she now sometimes says “ok Ima”. I’m all ready for the battle, and it’s just such a relief taking off the armor. She glows as I praise her for being so mature about it, and the rest of the afternoon goes smoother.

I still have one major issue, and for some reason, it’s mine. I’m sure it’s a sensory thing (always been super-sensitive to noise, made much worse after partial hearing loss in one ear when Niv was a baby), but the bickering between them is my breaking point. And the truth is that it’s really not so bad. Just typical sibling fighting over toys and stuck out tongues and perceived insults. Shai has a shriek that is reserved for Niv’s teasing, and Niv does this f******* annoying “di (enough) Shai….di……..di……di….” in a super low, creepy soft voice over and over again until I scream.

But then I think – I don’t want them to grow up not being allowed to have conflict and work through it because I’m so sensitive to noise. On the other hand I remember feeling how unfair it was as a child when I felt wronged and my parents told us they didn’t want to hear it, and to sort it out ourselves. And I can’t say I feel like it helped me in solving conflict. I’ve tried active listening, but Shai is just too small for it. And then it feels like I’m asking Niv to always give in.

So…any suggestions?

 

 

Advertisements