Posts Tagged ‘feminism’

An essay on being awesome – for my husband on his birthday

April 12, 2013 Leave a comment

Sometimes I get tired of flying the flag for feminism. Which I also find quite bizarre, because half the time I don’t feel like I’m arguing for feminism at all- it just seems like plain old common sense.

For several reasons I’ve been exposed lately to a lot of casual sexism. And I’m tired of talking, talking, talking, using such obvious facepalm logic to dispell people’s ridiculous arguments and MY GOD, how do these seemingly intelligent people spout this trash?

I used to try to explain about standpoint feminism as opposed to postmodern-feminism. Yeah, that went over really well. Now I try to keep it simpler – I explain what majority privilege means, about the right to bodily autonomy, I explain, talk, argue, explain.

I keep promising myself that next time someone (woman or man) says something idiotic like “Feminism has ruined everything” or I see a FB post saying “When women argue about xyz, they further the stereotype of all women being hysterical harpies” or I hear someone say something like “she was drunk, so partly responsible for her rape”, I’ll ignore the slap and the tiny adrenalin spike in my fingers, and figurately keep on walking. Because it’s not only tiring explaining to someone why (um, obviously) women have a right to a career, or that telling a woman when she offers an opposing opinion that she is being a typical, hysterical woman is actually the female equivalent of metaphorical castration, pretty much invalidating everything she says henceforth, or how ANYONE has the right to NOT BE penetrated unless said person, who is capable of giving consent, says some variation of “please, oh my God, yes”, but it’s also disheartening to realise that what seems to be obvious, common sense, the basis of decency and respect, is perceived as extreme. I don’t like being seen that way. I don’t like feeling sanctimonious, strident, lecturing. Worst of all, I’m often angry and dissappointed in myself for not just shutting up.

And then I come home. With Moran, I don’t feel opinionated, argumentative, extreme. This is the norm. We talk, debate, disagree, agree, argue. We often discuss politics, society, history, and what to make the girls for supper. I love how analytical and logical he is (although with a massive blindspot – coughmoneycough- that eludes all reason). He learned a long time ago that there is no point trying to argue dirty with me, like using pointless analogies to make a point (someone once said this to me: a woman is like a flower, and must be taken care of or she will die) because I will call that shit out.

He taught me not to make claims that I can’t back up (or at least to realise when I’m doing it) and to know when people are doing the same. He has shown me how to see things from the opposing POV. I used to hate it when he would play the devil’s advocate – now I enjoy the mental exercise. I keeps us sharp and allows us to analyze situations rationally from different angles.

These traits seemed so obvious to me – I mean, why wouldn’t he be like that? Why wouldn’t anyone be like that?

Nnow I see how exceptional he is. It can’t be easy to live with someone (man or woman) so opinionated, so full of impatience at the slowness of society to just bloody well catch up already with, well, logic and reason, so easily inflamed by casually-made, thoughtless comments, so obsessed with naval gazing. But he is (almost) always engaged, interested, ready to debate and discuss, agree or push back.

His intelligence, clarity and strength of conviction mean that he never feels threatened by me, in any way, and that is a relief. I don’t have to hold myself back, pretend to be less than what I am. Our life together is never dull – good, bad, but never dull. And he likes it that way. He is my biggest cheerleader.

Moran has taught me to be less petty and more understanding in my relationships with other people – to realize that we are all flawed, and that’s ok. When I’m down, frustrated, depressed, the things he says bring me up, up and out.

I have learned from him the value of taking responsibility, and saying sorry when I’ve done wrong.

And he loves us, his family, unconditionally. He was there for the <insert string of horrible adjectives here – they all pretty much fit) births of both our girls, and witnessed things that should not be spoken of. Ever. And his love, loyalty, and attraction to me has never waned. That’s exceptional.

He loves our girls more than anything in the world, and that brings me joy.

He is also really, really funny. His humor is just the right mixture of satire, quirk and pitch black darkness. And he laughs at my jokes a lot. Making Moran laugh, with his crinkly eyes and beautiful smile, is an awesome feeling.

After 13 years together, I am so grateful to be able to come home to him. He makes my world infinitely better and bearable in so many ways.

Happy birthday Moran.


yes, she’s talking about feminism again.

July 4, 2012 3 comments

If you’re my friend on FB you’ll know I’ve been ranting about this topic a lot lately.

And then my friend posted a link to this blog post (not hers) and honestly, I just cannot take this sh*t anymore. Not another second.

My comment in response was this:

“Just the first sentence is utterly ridiculous. Feminism is a load a crap because her fragile belief system couldn’t relate to the idea of the word womyn? Because one woman wrote an article about how SAHMs can’t be feminist? I suspect she wrote this for attention, for traffic. If her idea of feminism is so easily shaken, she doesn’t have a clue what feminism is. As long as she or any of us believe that women should have the right to determine our own lives, careers, whether or not to have children, whether or not to marry, to get an education, to earn the same as men in similar professional positions, to work or stay home and raise kids (and I believe that men should also have the choice) she (and we) are feminists. That’s the core. Around that core are many different opinions and schools of thought. Some extreme, some less so. As long as we believe in the core, we are feminists. Like I said, TIME writes an article about mothers and she’s all crying into her latte cause she can’t be a feminist anymore? Give me a break.”
And then I stopped. But I want to go on. I want to go on and on and on. I want to give these women and men a good hard shoulder shake and say “really? really?”. Because if we’re  not feminists, we have no business voting, or working, or doing pretty much anything other than living in the roles prescribed us by a patriarchal society.
Women went to prison in the early 1900’s so we could have the right to vote. Women were ostracized, bullied, threatened and hurt for the freedoms that we take for granted.
Yes, there are different schools and movements and theories and controversies within the feminism movement. But at its core, it’s about the struggle for women’s rights and equality.
Unless we are willing to go back to the way things were, none of us have the right to renounce feminism.
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