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Payment

The other day my SIL was telling me that in an hour flat she managed to do errands that usually take her a week when she has her kids with her. Does it work like that for everyone? Cause it doesn’t for me – I get my errands done fast enough, but then I go to the till and things go to hell in a hand basket.

  • The customer in front of me decides to pay with 3 different types of vouchers, some expired. They have to call the head cashier, Irena, who has to call head office to get approval for payment. Head office says “Haha. Ahahaha. No”. The customer argues with Irena. Irena argues with the customer. Then the customer decides to pay with a check so post dated that the cashier has to call Irena, always Irena, who has to call head office…
  • The cashier is new and makes a mistake on every second item. Then we wait for Irena to come by and swipe her card. This time Irena is on a break.
  • This only happens when I buy a lot of fruit and veges: the cashier doesn’t know the fruit and veg codes by heart and has to look through piles of paper to find the right code and then p-a-i-n-s-t-k-i-n-g-l-y enters the numbers in one.by.bloody.one. Then she makes a mistake and has to call Irena to come swipe her card. Irena to aisle 5!
  • The communication between the till and credit card company goes down. Who does she call? Irena. What can Irena do about it? Nothing.
  • The woman in front of me forgot to get something. So she goes to get it. This happens 5 times.
  • The man in front of me keeps asking the cashier how much an item cost. The cashier stops, has to scroll up to the item. He decides he doesn’t want it. The cashier calls Irena…
  • The customer in front of me buys something on special, but the till registers it at regular price.
  • This isn’t the whole list. Not even close. There are so many more I am not even kidding you.

I have devoted a lot of deep thought to why this happens to me every single time (I have a lot of spare time waiting in line) and I have come to the most sensible conclusion (and I think Occam would agree): it’s neither normal nor natural – it’s SUPERNATURAL. Obviously.

It’s my payment to the universe. I have a good life, a loving husband, and two beautiful, healthy children. Waiting in line for hours is the universe’s way of balancing out all the good stuff. Waiting for Irena to swipe her card keeps away the tsunami. I have to believe this because it is the only thing between someone who is waiting quietly and breathing deeply while Irena takes her smoke break, and this:

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